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Best Rubinoff Flavor

Today we are going to talk about the best possible Rubinoff flavor. Now my answer is just my opinion, but it is also a god damn fact. If you disagree it is because you are wrong. This was originally going to be a list article but I was told that those articles are “click-bait” and “fucking trash”.

In order for you to understand what the best Rubinoff flavor is I must first tell you why the favors you are thinking of are wrong. There are over 25 flavors apparently, and there is no way I can get into all of them today, but I will explain why some fan favorites are actually trash.

First of all, all Rubinoff is trash. If you are able to walk into a liquor store and purchase it then you are way too old to be drinking it. Vodka is a garbage liquor and Rubinoff lives in the shed out back of the vodka family.

Some of you may be thinking “well the best flavor is original”. Just straight vodka no flavor. Well you, my good sir, are coming from privilege and have clearly never tasted this stuff. The people who drink Rubinoff do not have the luxury of mixing it into a Bloody Mary or a finely crafted cocktail. Rubinoff is consumed in two ways: handle pulls after giving in to peer pressure and out of a stepped on water bottle that was stuffed down your sock… or a stranger at a house party’s sock. Honestly, I do not think it is even legal to consume this any other way. You may get arrested. Cops could see a groups of 16 year old get a bottle from a homeless man and start chugging it in the streets. He would not bat an eye. If a couple in their 30s walk into a liquor store and leaves with Rubinoff and tonic water they will be calling fucking SWAT in immediately.

Next are two I am packaging together, because they suck for the same reasons: Blue Raspberry and Pink Lemonade. I get why people (by people I mean college freshmen) gravitate towards these. The bright colors make them feel safe. They think “It looks like powerade. How bad can it be?” The answer: Very Bad. People who prefer these flavors follow their eyes and brain telling them that bright things taste good. The issue is they ignore their liver, taste buds, stomach, and instant hangover telling them that it is straight trash.

Next up there is regular raspberry which is actually a steal. 1.75 liters of cough medicine for $10.99. That is a smart purchase, just not for getting drunk purposes. Also there is grape which is just worse flavored cough medicine.

There are salted caramel, whipped cream, and vanilla. Honestly all of these sound pretty good in theory, but are somehow worse than every thing I have listed so far. The dessert flavors are not powerful enough to dull the distinct taste of hand sanitizer.

You need the fruity flavors, or I guess, just one fruity flavor. It is time I tell you the best Rubinoff flavor. The answer: Mango. Those chemicals of imitation fruit are powerful. It is unique enough that you can drink it warm (who chills Rubinoff?) with minimal gagging. If you disagree I am happy to get into an overly aggressive argument with you in the comments section.

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